The Life Changing Power of "Kindfulness".

The word/theme that has been running around my mind the past few weeks is kindness. Simple and complicated at the same time. In challenging times like these, it can be easy to access kindness towards the many people we see suffering and I actively seek out the stories of those who are helping & showing kindness in response to the tragedy. But I've been thinking about it in terms of personal kindness as well. 

Conditional Kindness

Self-kindness can be a foreign idea to many, and I know I am not alone with the experience of not learning how to be kind to myself growing up. Based on the messages of our society I did learn to see all the ways I should be different/better and beat myself up when I didn't accomplish that or live up to whatever standards appeared right. I internalized the idea that I would be worthy of kindness/love only when I got _____ (insert any achievement, change, accomplishment). 

Kindfulness

So when I first found mindfulness many years ago, the fact that the quality of awareness we practice is supposed to be kind ESPECIALLY when my mind was "doing it wrong" was a challenge for me. For awhile. Couldn't I just strong-arm myself into perfect awareness like I'd tried (unsuccessfully) done my whole life? A resounding no. In fact, kindness is such an integral part of the mindfulness practice that some teachers have taken to call it "kindfulness". 

I am so grateful my earliest teachers deeply stressed the importance of kindness in our practice and our lives, and I try to do the same in my own teaching. The practice of kindness towards myself has been a gradual process that continues to profoundly change my life. 

Letting Go of Conditions

While I could go into all of the ways research has shown kindness can improve our lives (decrease blood pressure, inflammation, and cortisol, while increasing feel-good hormones, energy, and life span!), or how we are better able to sustain kindness to others when we are kind to ourselves, what I think it comes down to at the end of the day is that each and every one of us is worthy of our own kindness. Not when you change, not when you accomplish, but today. In all your messy glory. 

The late Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh said,

No one is more worthy of your kindness and compassion than you are.

And what's more, the world NEEDS the version of you that acts out of kindness for yourself. That will flourish and share your gifts with the world in a deeper way when you aren't spending your time ruminating in negativity. The opposite of ego, I believe 'kindfulness' breeds compassionate action in the world. 

And if you want to join me in practicing some self-kindness, come to my next FREE virtual group meditation and healing on April 6th at 5pm PT. We will be talking all about 'kindfulness' and putting it into practice with a meditation and healing.

Sign up here.

Hope to see you there!