My Secret to Self-Care When I Feel 😵💫
Warning: I am on a self-kindness kick these days! Last week I shared the meditation concept of "tend and befriend" where we turn towards ourselves to offer the nurturing we need and even go so far as to befriend ourselves (even those messy, icky parts we like to hide or stuff down). It's so simple and yet so radical in our times, with all of its pressures and anxieties. Working harder, pushing more, and striving further are often celebrated no matter the expense to our wellbeing. What if kindness was valued as much as achievement? Health and wellbeing valued as much as status? A girl can dream.
Stepping Off the Hamster Wheel
As great as it sounds, stepping off of the achievement hamster wheel isn't easy in my experience. It can take a real shift in perspective (among other things). I still viscerally remember a lightbulb moment I had several years ago. I was in my car on a corner near my house about to make a right turn and out of nowhere, I was struck with this message: What is the POINT of the self-hatred and self-abuse that I have been in dialogue with all my life? We have this one short lifetime here, WHY would I waste any moment of it beating myself up?! I deserve better.
It wasn't the most revolutionary thought but the feelings it brought into my body made, and continue to make, an impact on me and my life. Since then, I have made the practices of love, care, and kindness for myself a top priority. Don't get me wrong, I fail at it. All. The. Time. But I am committed. And it's changed my life.
Flood the World with Kindness
American nun Pema Chodron (I'm on a Pema kick as well apparently!) says:
"Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world."
If I'm not being nice to myself, chances are in many ways I'm not being nice to those around me. And even when I can fake it for a bit, that inner ugliness will usually find its way out onto those I loved in some form or another.
You Deserve It
It can be hard to put these practices to work when I'm feeling down on myself. So on those days, I won't do it for myself. I'll do it for those I love. For all the people I may encounter that day that I want to flood with kindness and love. Doing it for others until I can do it for myself has been my way into many things. Right or wrong, we are wired (especially women) to give to others more than ourselves. So if that's a way into any practice that's going to serve you in the long run, I say do it. And eventually, the hope is you do it simply because you know you deserve it. You deserve all the kindness, love, and care you can offer yourself.
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