The Benefits of Silence: Moving Through Discomfort to Go Deeper

Like so many things in this time of great upheaval, the silent meditation retreat I was supposed to go on last month was canceled. Though I know it sounds crazy to many, I was so looking forward to turning off my phone, closing my mouth, and going inward for a week. It was incredibly scary the first time I did it, and still is uncomfortable, but the chance to quiet the noise of my mind, go deeper into myself and rest there has been profound for me.

Feeling the real need to reconnect with myself, I decided to take matters into my own hands and do a self-guided retreat. Last week, I went to the desert for a few days where I turned off my phone to meditate, read, walk, look at the stars, and rest. I feel very lucky to have been able to take the time and space to do it and learned so much even in a short period of time.

BACK TO NATURE

One of the main reminders was how important it is for my body to get into nature. To feel small as a part of a much larger system that just goes on working without my influence. To let myself wonder at the beauty and unknown of a sunrise, a mountain, and a starry sky. This peace amidst so much confusion and chaos is articulated so beautifully in Wendell Berry's ‘The Peace of the Wild Things’.

"When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."

When I am resting in the "grace of the world", which I think really helps me find the grace in my own body, I feel free. These moments of freedom are supporting me so much right now.

OVERSTIMULATION

I was also struck by the extra anxiety that came up for me around turning off my phone and disconnecting from the world. In a time of so much grief, loss, and change I have gotten even more tied into constant stimulation and information gathering. While much of this information gathering is necessary, and the numbing out is just the best I can do in some moments, I do see how these habits take me further from myself and further from the feeling of connected presence. This presence is where I feel I can show up to be of most service to the world around me.

LETTING THE WAVES COME AND GO

It makes me think of a metaphor a teacher of mine shared once. We are like the ocean and our thoughts and feelings are like the waves. The waves will always come and go, but there is no need to get caught up in them when we can rest in the calm underneath. When I can take the time to help myself get out of the waves and settle into the vast ocean below, I feel grounded and settled and better able to show up for myself, my life, and those around me.

How could you help yourself settle into some silence today? If you'd like to try meditation, I'd recommend this one on finding, and resting in, resource in your body. Or maybe you could play around with turning off your phone for a short while to go on a walk, play with a pet, or take a bath. Whatever you choose, notice what comes up for you when you turn off any noise and let yourself become fully present.