What I Wish I'd Known About Weddings Before Having One.
We finally got our wedding photos back (we had our wedding in September after a year-long covid postponement) and it's causing me to reflect on the long and winding path to that day. I did not expect the path to my wedding to be one of the deepest healing journeys of my life. And though I didn't always feel it at the time, I am so grateful for all of the growth & expansion personally and in my relationship--and for the incredible support we got along the way.
What I didn't understand before embarking on this journey towards marriage & a wedding (two very different things, though it's easy to forget), is that weddings are a ritual. Sure it's a fun party, a beautiful moment to celebrate love, and (sadly) often a competitive time for perfectionism to rage. But at the core, it's a ceremonial rite of passage which starts the minute you say yes to getting married. The ritual helps ready you & your partner for one of the biggest commitments of your life.
Common (& Necessary) Experiences
I think "being ready" for marriage means something different to every person, but there are some experiences of the journey that seem universal:
Time to grieve your past, your single life, and how it will change (even if you're super excited about the changes!).
Time to honor those in your life who helped you get to this point, knowing things will never be quite the same after you make this commitment to a new family.
And time to grow up and step into the version of yourself who is ready & able to commit to a deeper partnership.
While my process of a covid-stalled wedding was full of its specific experiences, I also think so many of the challenges I faced are universal as well (especially for beautiful people-pleasers like me):
The challenges of asking for help
The challenges of saying no
Disappointing others
Having others disappoint you
Feeling the pain of how you wish things could be
Grieving lost/unavailable loved ones
Feeling alone
Feeling so seen it's uncomfortable.
Showing up to honor each and every one of these challenges, as painful as many were, was deeply healing for me. I cleared out old grief, pain, & beliefs while welcoming in the energy to start practicing new habits and behaviors. And walking through it all with my now-husband deepened our trust and love for each other. I felt we unknowingly laid the foundation of our marriage along the way.
Showing Up for the FUN
Honoring the challenges also allowed me to show up for the FUN as well. As I learn over and over in my mindfulness practice, we can't pick and choose the feelings we feel. We have to allow them all. So when I showed up to feel and honor any grief or discomfort coming up, I was also able to show up for the vast amounts of love and joy present (often at the same time). Sometimes I found the love around me as overwhelming as the challenges. I learned to get much more comfortable with that beautiful grey area. Both/And.
Overall, I began to stretch and grow into the woman and partner I needed to be to fully enter (and then keep learning and growing in) my marriage. It wasn't always easy, and there is *always* more work to do, but it all feels so right when I look back. This ritual, this initiation process worked on and in me in the exact ways I needed. And I thought I was just planning a party. 😂
Getting the Support I Needed
I'm sure not all people have this experience. Maybe things feel or felt much easier or smoother based on your individual journey. But I know that there is always more to the story than what we see in pictures. When I have shared my journey with others, so many related & confided their own challenges even though the day seemed SO PERFECT on the outside. Nothing is perfect, and that is the beautiful, messy experience of life.
When I look at my wedding pictures I see the vast love & the unbelievable fun and joy I experienced. I also see/remember the 1,000 other emotions I felt during that weekend and the road leading up to it. And I'm so grateful for that deeply human experience and how I was able to be so present for it all.
I needed a lot of help to get there. I am so incredibly grateful for my team of teachers, mentors, healers, and loved ones who showed up to guide, hold, and witness my journey. I felt so supported, and it's led me to begin supporting others in their wedding journeys, facilitating some of the same healing and witnessing I received. I may make a formal offering for a "Wedding Healing Package" one day, but for now, just know that I'm here to support you no matter where you are in your journey!
If you’d like to discuss how I can support you on your own journey, please reach out here or set up a free Discovery call.
