Are You Always Trying to "Graduate" Through Life?
As a perfectionist, I have this sticky habit of always wanting to "graduate" from things. Meaning, I complete a thing (task, healing, learning, etc.) and then check it off the list, able to move on in perfect harmony. Forever. lol.
Maybe this is true for some things in life (though I haven't managed to find them yet) but when I think about it, that mindset doesn't set up a life that feels good to me. If my doctor graduated from school and then never took the time to check-in with the latest studies or learnings, I would find a new doctor. Why should I expect anything less from myself? So I've started to try and think of my life as one big continuing education program.
Peeling an Onion
This attitude has supported me deeply in my healing journey. I've often heard healing, and getting to know ourselves, described as the "peeling of an onion". We shed one layer only to discover there is another layer under that. And then another. We don't need to be looking for the final layer of this onion (the limit does not exist), but rather enjoy the "peeling" process.
I learn this over and over again. Stuff comes back up that I thought I'd "taken care of" but the truth is, there is usually just a deeper layer ready to be healed. And that is something I *try* to celebrate rather than feel discouraged by. How interesting to see a bit deeper into how my body/mind/heart works and let something else go. It's never really the same as before, so I can bring my curiosity and sense of play into my healing (or any other journey I am on).
Lessons from the Year
As we approach a year in quarantine (at least for me in California), I have been reflecting on how this sticky habit has come up for me many times since last March. Life as I have known it (and set it up) has been wiped away and yet I keep expecting myself to master this time, to figure it out and just be FINE with it all, never having a down day again. When I take a step back from it (and when I see friends or clients doing the same thing) it's easy to say OF COURSE you haven't mastered this time. OF COURSE you have down days where you want to scream or cry or just stare at a wall. There is no reason I, or any of us, should have "graduated" from the hardships that have come up in this past year.
Instead, I try, one day at a time, to allow myself to be in the peeling away process of this time. One day may feel good and almost normal and the next some fear or anger has popped up again ready to be felt and released.
Going with the Flow
While I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel of this dark year, it feels more important than ever to let myself off the hook for whatever may be coming up in the meantime (and for the rest of time really).
Can you bring a sense of curiosity to whatever layer you are peeling away, or whatever old habit is coming back up right now?
Want to Build a Meditation Practice But Don’t Know Where to Start?
Sign up below to receive a FREE copy of my top 8 tips to help you finally start (or stick to) your own practice.